The rambling mess

My last post was about not swaddling Jolee. She is now swaddled. She turns 6 months in 2 days. We also stopped feeding her solid (pureed of course) food because she preferred that over formula and would only take a few bottles a day! She loves all things food but is too young to nix formula! Oh well for now. Scott Brown won the MA senate seat. I think Ted Kennedy rolled all night in his grave. I found it funny that on Rush Limbaugh's radio show (which I never listen too, but happened upon this morning in the car) they said "This one's for Mary Jo"...haha. Yes I am laughing about a dead man. One who killed a woman. Not really in a feel sorry for you mode. Obama sucks. Seriously, if you voted for him, you are getting what the rest of us knew you would. It just sucks because some people are wooed by a good speech. He is a slap in the face to most Democrats. He really is a Progressive and should have ran on that. I just can't believe no one saw it sooner. And I hate those annoying negative campaign ads that are sure to be a nightmare during the 2012 election. All we are going to hear is his speeches telling everyone lies. Who wants to listen to that twice? Bitter, party of 1 here.

Vermont is a little kooky. They have so much to offer here. So many wonderful small businesses. But transplants like myself are missing a lot because they refuse to advertise on the internet. If you google "auto shops" in Vermont you will find 3. There are like 147 in my tiny town! Use the internet people, you will generate a TON of business. We did go to 1 of 3 shops for brakes and gave them our 800 bucks.

Vermont has a plethora of crap to do with kids...and there are no drippy noses at playdates. Finally a place where Mothers and Fathers use good judgment. I like Vermont. We may make this our final home one day. Vermont has a ton of liberals but I haven't met a one. Most in my town seem pretty conservative....although they could be closet liberals which is fine by me. Their state is gorgeous, places are clean, and sickness doesn't seem to run rampant here. I keep my crazy right winged crap to myself and let others do as they please.

I am heading to the Dr. soon with Jolee. I hate all things vaccines. She is still not vaccinated. James is, fully. I have yet to decide what is best for her. Can't wait to get advice from her new doctor. The past few years have been so traumatic for me. I am so glad she is here...Her birth experience still haunts me and makes me much more aware of dangers. It also makes me fearful of becoming pregnant again.

American Idol is amazing. Where else can you see so much talent, and so little talent in one room. "Pants on the Ground" should be a hit. We sing it often here. I want to meet Larry.

Lost is coming on soon. That is exactly what I am. LOST. I will watch only because I want to know what the heck happens to those people and why that darn polar bear was in the forest.

Paranormal State is making me mad. What happened to Ryan when he was a kid? Just tell us already dude.

Arbor Mist Sangria Zinfandel is surprisingly yummy. Shaw's (the grocery store chain here) is crazy expensive. My bread was $4.99. The Sangria, $6.99....they shouldn't be that close.

James no longer watches tv...except Chuggington once a day. It is so nice to not have the tv on. I can actually hear myself think and breathe...enlightening! This was fun.....and all I had time for. Jolee getting up!

I will not swaddle my 5 month old!

Oh Jolee! You can roll Chickie. You do it all day long, and almost back to front, front to back. But at night your activity is waking you and you are determined to get out of your swaddle. So, since it no longer seems safe, I said NO MORE SWADDLING. And now you can't sleep. I put you in your sleepsack and must go in 4 times a night to keep your tiny little hands from grabbing at your face. There really seems to be a giant PROCESS to get you to sleep and I really need to document it so one day when you are trying to get one of my grandchildren to sleep, I will remember.

Step 1...Bath
Step 2...Bottle
Step 3...turn on room fan for white noise
Step 4...all lights OFF
Step 5...turn on Mommy bear with womb sounds, yes you still need this
Step 6...paci in, although you are 5 months, you still need help with this
Step 7...socks on hands, your hands freeze at night and you can't fit gloves
Step 8...lay you down and walk out
Step 9...come back in and give you paci so your whining doesn't wake your brother
Step 10...repeat step 9 4-6 more times before you finally pass out.
Step 11...repeat step 9 2-3 during the night
Step 12...feed once in the middle of the night
Step 13...repeat step 9 at 6am so we don't start our day that early...
Step 14...you wake at 8 refreshingly rested, smiling, looking at your very tired Mom thinking "Mom, why do you look so tired?"

All things Vermont!

We're here! I can't yet say that we are settled because we still do have quite a bit of boxes in our bedroom and the basement! I can honestly say that of all the places we have lived Vermont IS my favorite! I just love it. If you haven't lived in a small town, you might not understand. I used to think Kingsland, GA was small town, ha. When there is no fast food, no way to order pizza, and everyone in the town knows the lady who answers at the Electric Co and the shares the same doctor, you are in a SMALL town. Minus the fact that we have no friends here yet, it is amazing! I love waking early to the bright sun on the top of this mountain and watching it get dark at 4pm. Bubba is amazed by the snow and can stay out way longer than Mommy and Daddy can. Pork and Beans love the snow and the cold, and Beans often escapes to our neighbor (that we can't see from our house) who lives on a farm. We get our eggs from them fresh and often! They are so yummy! Beanie likes visiting their hen house and their sheep! Porkie still gets tied up because he can't be trusted just yet and the nearest animal patrol place is a 25 minute drive! I don't feel like going to rescue him once he gets out. And actually, I have only driven here once, and that was during a snow storm and I was kinda scared. I can drive in the snow, but this was dark, and unfamiliar....

J works 1.7 miles away and comes home everyday for lunch! So fun! We are getting lots of time in during this shore tour to prepare for the long deployments coming! We are having a ball!

Ladybug is a rolling, drooling, babbling, pushing up ball of love. She is faster than James in EVERYthing she does, which terrifies me. Bub woke on his 9 month birthday and walked around a toy. I cannot have an early walker again but it looks like I might! She has got to stop growing so fast or I am going to want another! My kids don't like to be babies long at all. Leelee does love her toys, her feet, and eating veggies. We just started solid food the other day because she was showing interest in us eating. I wanted to wait until 6 months but she is almost sitting on her own already and loves it! I make it really runny though because she prefers it that way...hates cereal though! Will try again in a few weeks/months.

Ok well it is December 22 and I just started my Christmas cookies! I am done shopping and wrapping and just waiting to see if Santa needs help putting 2 of his big gifts together on Christmas eve. It's just us this year but we are taking goodies of homemade Kalua and cookies to our neighbor/landlord/only friend. We are hoping to invite some people from the unit to a football game watch here on NY eve.....Ok off to bake more! I am getting super domesticated here in the middle of nowhere! Hope this finds all well!

Into the cold...

I am so sorry to have taken a blogging break for a bit! BUT...we are moving next week to Vermont! Our Navy life is taking us to the frigid North! We have had a busy few weeks, what with 3 insurance claims...Our Volvo was hit while parked and no one left a note, Ida came through and flooded our garage and most of the things in it, and my van's windshield was hit by a falling rock...so with that, and the in-laws coming to help move us...I am super busy! I will be back soon though! Stay tuned for some pretty pics of Vermont!!!

There was always a reason...even if I hated every minute of it....

Wow. I don't know where to start. Today after a much needed shopping trip with 2 amazing friends, I dropped my bags in the door and set Ladybug's carseat down. I sent Bubba to the computer, yes he is 3 and now uses a computer...I took the receipts and coupons out of my wallet, and "they" fell out. What is "they" you ask? I keep something extra special in my wallet and always have. I have a tiny silver heart with the name "Jack" on it, and a tiny silver circle with the name "Hope". I smiled and picked them up and tucked them right back in. Wherever I go, I take my 2 living children and secretly (now not secretly) I take the others as well. Often times I will reach in my wallet for change and see those. They bring a smile to my face and make me remember.

For those of you reading who don't know...between Bubba and Ladybug we lost 2 babies during pregnancy. One at 18 weeks (John Isaac) and one at 10 weeks (Hope). I didn't know until after their losses that I had a blood clotting disorder MTHFR, and an inability to process Folic Acid and B vitamins. The doctors were fairly certain that those factors killed our babies. Once I was tested and found out what I had, I took baby aspirin and medication that broke those vitamins down for me. I hated knowing in those following days, weeks, and months that those 5 pills I took a day could have saved our babies lives. Life would have been very different.

I came to terms only after the diagnosis. Prior to it I kept imagining all the things I did that maybe killed those babies. Was it the X-ray I got at the dentist, although I told them I thought I was pregnant and they took extra precautions, or did I fall and forget, lift Bubba too much...what could I have done? I wanted to blame ME, because it would have been so much easier. I wanted to say, I did this...I am so so very sorry. I wanted a reason. I needed a reason. Many women will never find a reason. And MY reason, did give me some glimmer of hope (a reason we named our baby that). Because, there was in fact something WRONG with me. I could be FIXED....and our babies weren't lost just because.

Once we found out that I had the genetic mutation, MTHFR, we did research and saw multiple specialists. I was told that I had received one copy of the genetic mutation from one of my parents. Oftentimes with only one gene people have no issues, like my pregnancy with Bubba. We still do not know how we carried him to term. (I do like to think that the Good Lord above knows that my greatest fear in life was that I would not be able to have children. I used to tell my mom all the time "I think I am going to have trouble having babies". She said I was "crazy" and "not to worry, she had babies just fine".) I would never have made it through if I hadn't already had one beautiful, healthy child. Imagine my shock and sadness after 2 losses.

But in my case, MTHFR was causing problems. The doctors informed me that I should have my parents and siblings tested because IF they had it as well, (of course ONE of them had to) then they may need medication as well. My mother was tested. She had 2 very healthy pregnancies with my sister and I....and we found out...she has TWO copies of the gene and gave me one. TWO....most women with two never carry to term without help....

And today I got a phone call. My dear 16 year old niece was also tested. She has one copy. My sister is waiting on her results but there is a HUGE chance my niece got the gene from my sister and not her father...We all have it. All of us. My sister has had 2 healthy beautiful girls. My mother, the same. I had problems with it....When I found out my mother had it as well I cried. I told her, "Mom, I don't want this to sound horrible but in a way, I am glad you have it. Maybe my babies saved our lives. Maybe we would have had problems with clotting down the road. I am glad we found an answer." Today I thought, oh wow and I cried. My little babies may have saved my niece the agony our family felt when we lost Jack and Hope...maybe their tiny little souls continue to save lives. And maybe you are reading this now and have suffered loss as well. There are many blood clotting disorders that can cause many problems in pregnancy. The Hope is that there is medicine for some...

Maybe YOU are reading this and finding comfort in someone else's story. I lost both babies in the state of Georgia, where 2 losses is not considered a problem. You must have 3 before you are considered chronic. I jumped the state line to Florida and was tested there after 2....and we found an answer. 10 days after we lost Baby Hope I was diagnosed and given medication. 3 months later I was pregnant with Ladybug. For each day of the 38 weeks I was pregnant I took medication and wondered on which day would my baby die. I had one scare and remember sitting on the cold December pavement on my driveway and begging God, "Please, not this one...not this baby too." And I took each day as it came. My relationship with God grew. I can tell you this, for the past 2 years I have not prayed a single WORD to the Lord. I never know what to say. For the babies we lost made me feel even more unworthy. I do not say "words" but I allow God into my heart all day, throughout and I know he hears my thoughts...I never have words for him...I can't ever find the right ones...it is as if there aren't any that could come close to how thankful I am...for everything I have been through. Ladybug learned to laugh today. And I learned that another family member may now have a healthier future because of my little ones' sacrifice....

I hated every minute of it...but there was a reason. And for everyone out there looking for THEIR reason, there is one...even if you never find it. The Good Lord above knows it. You don't have to "tell" him anything. Allow him into your heart and he will guide you...Rainy days bring the prettiest flowers. I know. I have one. And her name, the one I call "Ladybug" is Jolee.

You can't make this stuff up...

- I got peed on today and make a complete fool out of Bubba and I. At Babies R Us, Bub had to go potty. So I get Ladybug (in carseat ) out of the cart and wrangle both into the bathroom. I hear another lady talking to her grandson while we are potty-ing next to her. She took the big bathroom, leaving us in a tiny stall...I left the door open because well, there was no room to shut it. Bubba usually gets completely naked to pee for some reason but I did not feel like redressing him. So I sat him on potty and told him to not worrying about his pants. So he "pushes down" because that is what I taught him after cleaning cabinets in my bathroom at home when he didn't "push down"...Well he started to scoot back and his pants kinda got in the way....His boy part came up and shot me in the leg! I cracked up! I was trying to disguise what was happening so Grandma in the next stall wouldn't realize what happened when Bubba all the sudden shouted LOUD, "Oops Mama, I sorry, Dere pee on you leg!" HAHAHAHA...I shushed him and was almost peeing the rest of my pants laughing. I grabbed a wet one and scrubbed my pants and he said again, "I so sorry Mommy, dere pee on you pants!"....hahaha

-Just a few moments ago I was feeding ladybug and noticed Bub was pantsless. He brought me his underwear and pants and said "Mommy, what's dis?" ...No my kid is in fact 3 and I have not taught him the proper word for his part. So I did. I shared the real word with him and pulled up his pants. He said "Mommy, dat p-nis (pointing to part) and dat Baby (pointing to his sister)!" What the two had in common, I have no idea...But gosh I am still laughing at my kid! I am going to venture to say that the word "p-nis" is definitely going to be screamed loudly in public soon....

(I am leaving out the "E" in the word so as to avoid weird ads on my sidebar!) Let's see if it works!

Lots of well, randoms..

I have so much on my mind tonight and a 3 year old behind me. Daddy is on duty at work, Ladybug is sleeping and I am too lazy to put tot in bed...So he is watching Aristocats behind me...and dancing. It's almost 10pm...get your kid in bed lady! Anywho, things are as busy as ever at the Farn. We are trying to rid our home of excess everything and donating what we don't use to a local Battered Women and Children's Center. It has been so fun going through each room and finding out what we truly need and don't need. I told the shelter worker that we would have about 6 to 8 boxes and bags...and we have that doubled!~ Tomorrow we lug it all to the front porch where it will await its new owners....Hopefully everything will get great use!

In Ladybug news, the Patient First doctor that we saw was pretty much wrong on all things Ladybug. Her congestion went away and we really haven't changed much, leading me to believe she did in fact have a cold that took 16 days to go away. She is back to her happy, healthy self and sleeping in her crib! She goes to bed at 8pm and wakes at about 645am and then goes back to sleep until 9am, an Angel sleeper! Bubba is sleeping in his bed now but frequently heads over to our bed at 3am! haha...Oh well. We are moving in about a month and do not feel like changing anything just yet. We are hoping upon arrival, that setting up his bed, with the bunk on top will entice him to sleep in a new "fort"....We shall see...

Grandparents are coming...both sides. Daddy's side is coming for 3 weeks over the course of the move. We are having fun planning the trip to Vermont and hoping to stop at a few neat places along the way. We are also hoping to celebrate Christmas early with BOTH sets of Grandparents in Vermont...Wouldn't that be great?

Daddy is excited for his new job in Vermont and eagerly planning all the outdoorsy stuff he misses from WA....There is something about camping in Georgia and Virginia heat that turns us off totally! He has spoken with the person he is relieving and that gentleman had nothing but great things to say about the job and the area. Both Daddy and Mommy are most likely going to get their master's degrees in VT! hmmm...I have no idea what mine will be in yet, but am excited at the thought of going back to school, even if it is from my laptop in the kitchen!

I have been researching lots of Homeschool curriculums and discussing options with homeschool moms online. I am so excited to homeschool. I never knew that it was an option for us. We had always planned on private school educations until we did research and decided that homeschool was for us. With our most recent decision to stay in the Navy, homeschool fits even better. When Daddy is home, school can stop for a bit. We can take much needed vacations in the middle of any month we want. When a new baby arrives, we can take a break and enjoy our new addition...And most importantly, our children will learn what we believe, whether the school teaches it or not...we will teach what we believe and are so excited to do so! I am spending the cold Vermont winter planning Bubba's K-4 year...we will start K-4 in September of next year! Our kids will have school from Labor Day to Memorial Day and summers off! Ah, refreshing! So wish me luck on planning his first year! It is so exciting already and we have 3 curriculums picked out!

And something else on the mind...J and I had a wonderful discussion the other night on the couch about our life as a military family. The Navy used to be our job, now it is starting to become more of our life...Like I've said before, we aren't Joe Navy type people...but when you make such a big commitment you can't help but realize it is what it is.....So in talking I mentionned that it is such a sacrifice to be a military family. J quickly chimed in that it wasn't. We don't sacrifice much. We live great, we are paid well, and we have job security. That is until I mentionned a few other things....See, this is what I love about my husband. No matter what he does, he doesn't ever think of anything as a sacrifice. I usually don't either. We chose the job, and we live well....BUT...I am starting to appreciate much more about my husband's job and I pointed out the sacrifices we make, just so that he can be proud of what he does. It isn't just a job. It isn't just a paycheck. It is a life that many Americans CHOOSE, so that others do not have to. Our kids will all be born in different states. We take pictures of the fronts of all of our houses to frame one day and we already have 4 in 4.5 years of marriage. Our 3 year old doesn't have more than 1 "friend". He has severe separation anxiety and often sleeps as close as he can to Daddy. Twice a week, in months WITHOUT deployments, I make a dinner for myself and have no one to tell the day's chaos to. In month's with deployments, well you get it....There have been 4 anniversaries and we celebrated 1 together. Many missed birthdays....I've been to a hospital and learned of the loss of one of our babies without him there. I told him over the phone that I was ok and our 15 month old was too. I've moved alone twice, either pregnant or with a baby....J thought this was all normal and not such a big deal...It's a big deal. I am really proud of him, of us, of our family, and of our choice to do this....There are so many, many benefits of being a Navy family. I see all sorts of places and have met the most amazing people along the way...We are all unique...we welcome each other. And my little family of 4 is as close as a family could be. My son is super attached to us, as I am sure my daughter will be too. Those kids see 2 faces each day that love them more than anything....but not many more faces....our choice to stay in the Navy is really going to keep us close. I hope our kids grow up not knowing of their sacrifice. It will be normal for them to say goodbye to Daddy for 6 months...And one day they will look back and think, Wow, we must have been such a close family to be able to endure those things....I hope they are as proud of their Daddy and their country as I am......