Monday, October 25, 2010

The one with all the judgment...

I read 2 posts on facebook today that truly hit home...Basically, Moms judge. I try not to, I really do. I will laugh at another mother sweating in the grocery store only because it was me yesterday. Kids flailing, throwing meat out of the is me, all the flippin time. I try not to judge, I really do....I am not a fan of cry it out, so when I hear Moms say they let their kids cry for an hour, that kinda freaks me out. I don't say, so and so is a terrible Mother because she lets her kids cry....but if I babysat them, I just couldn't, I'd pick them up. But that is really the extent of my judging...and up until recently I always felt judged and wondered what people thought of me, my kids, my parenting, my house, my clothes, my weight...etc... One day I left James' summer camp, with him in his carseat crying, myself in tears, and Jolee crying with us for no reason. Then it hit me, my kids love me. I love my kids more than life itself. Why am I trying to be perfect? Why am I taking a super attached 4 year old to a camp he isn't ready for? Why? Wouldn't we all just be happier at home in pj's baking cookies, and watching yet another Baby Einstein dvd while building blocks? What was I thinking?

So I went home, stopped crying, put both kids in the bathtub and sang to them. For lunch we made chicken nuggets out of a bag and ate apples...on the floor of the living room, watching Baby McDonald. And they both smiled and James said "Mom, this is a great picnic."

I walked into the kitchen and cried. I cried for the worry of the past 4 years. I cried because I thought I really have been missing out enjoying LIFE, while worrying about mothering. James doesn't need camp because some stupid speech pathologist thought nature camp might help his language progression. James needed a picnic with Mommy.

So guess what? I want tonight, to write out a ton of what I used to think were my MOM FLAWS. Now I think they are my Mom badges. My kids rarely cry, and if they do it is because it is bedtime and the fun has to stop. They give me more kisses and hugs than a person could even fathom. If I dare go to the store without them, they watch me leave out the sliding glass door, and wave to me as I pull back in the driveway. They truly love me. THEY LOVE ME. I am doing "it" right. I finally get it.


-On most days, I don't get dressed until after 2pm...I shower at night, but if I am not going anywhere, why would I stress about what to wear. Yoga pants and tanks are perfect!

-Jolee uses a bottle 3 times a day at 15 months old. It's cute. She also uses a paci ALL DARN DAY! She likes it and talks a ton, so go ahead paci girl. (You can let it go at 2, or give it to a new sibling)

-Both kids take their silk blankets all over God's creation. Grocery shopping, to the farm, playdates etc....

-James is still in a 5 pt carseat and will be until he outgrows it. Jolee will ride rear facing until age 3 or whenever her tiny butt hits 35 pounds (Maybe age 9 at this rate). I think it's safer and don't care about broken legs, but internal decapitation instead.

-I am not sending my kids to school. I will homeschool them...for a ton of reasons that only matter to J and I.

-I won't defend the "socialization" crap. It's pointless.

-I don't breastfeed my kids. It hurt so bad when I tried with James. I hated the feeling and hated feeding time. So I feed them chemical formula and thank the Lord for Nestle Good Start.

-I cancelled all things language/speech related with James. It was a nightmare. I understand him, he understands us, and if I have to wait until Jolee teaches him how to speak properly I will.

-I rarely mop my floors. I vacuum a TON, but goodness I hate mopping. I will swiffer wet jet sometimes, but I hate mopping.

- We are not spankers and never will be. We don't so much as swat hands. Time outs work for us and if they don't one day, we will implement something new. But I won't ever spank my unruly children.

-I'm never paying for college for my kids. I don't care if we are billionaires. We're not paying. No one paid for us and if you don't watch your hard earned money go to University blah blah blah, you won't appreciate your education Gaz kids.

-And I am probably not buying/giving you a car either. So just don't ask.

-And cell're not getting them either...until you can pay for them yourselves.

-I don't vaccinate my kids until they are older babies/toddlers. And I don't ever give the flu shot, or the swine, or the equine or whatever the heck else there is...I hate vaccines but know some are necessary.

-I feed organic baby food, if it is cheap (like here in Vermont), otherwise you are eating the pesticide filled stuff.

-And you're not wearing organic clothing because I bathe you in Aveeno or Johnson and Johnson. Those are laced with chemicals so why try to cover the chemicals in organic clothing?

-I have safety crap all over the house. I will keep it all up until the last baby is like 7. I constantly think you kids are going to kill yourselves on something so the baby safe crap helps me a little.

-I read Ok, Star, People, Us weekly and all that other junk you see in line at Walms. I like it.

-I watch The Duggars, but also Jersey Shore. I do. I like Snooki.

-I watch Real Housewives too.

-My kids eat candy, hot dogs, fries, but also veggies, fish and salad. I give them sugar because I think it's ok.

-We read like 15 books a day, but we also watch quite a bit of kiddie movies. We like Baby Einstein, Thomas, Disney Pixar and a bunch of other stuff!

-I leave the tv on a lot...Mostly it is Fox News because I am way too right-winged...but that stupid thing is always on.

-We drive a huge SUV that I am sure leaves a GIANT DINOSAUR size carbon footprint. I don't care really because I don't believe in global warming.

-I potty train when my kids are good and ready. I did have a 35 pound 3 years, 2 months child at the playground in a pullup. When he was ready a month later, he ditched all things pullup in a week, even at night. Jolee seems interested now, so maybe she'll be quicker?

And there are a MILLION other things about me as a person and a Mom that would make some people cringe....But the 2 littles in the picture above think I'm great. And since they are really all that matters...I should get back to our fruit snacks and dvds.....

Monday, October 4, 2010

Footie jammies, freezing temps, and frost!

It's that cold here. We have had a few 30 degree nights and it is in the low 50s during the day....chilly! I am so thrilled with the weather here and wish Vermont were our permanent home. James, Jolee, and I go outside everyday after nap and the kids just run run run! Jolee loves picking the last of the cherry tomatoes from the garden (everything else has been raked over and prepared for next Spring), collecting rocks and apples with James, and playing in the playhouse. James is a master on the swings and loves playing "Three Little Pigs". Of course I get to take on the role of Big Bad Wolf. We also have a budding soccer star in Jolee, mini Mia....she loves kicking the soccer ball around the yard and rarely picks up the ball (unlike James)...His idea of sports is taking the ball and running and hiding with it. Hide and seek is a new love as well...When I search for him, he cracks up so I have to pretend I don't hear him! Too cute! He loves dressing up as a pirate, a fireman, a farmer and a doctor....Some days he is Amos from Fox and the Hound and some days he is Fireman Sam....ya never know. He is so imaginative it cracks me up.

When something was on the heating element of the dishwasher he told me, "Mom, what's that smell?" I told him what it was and he said "Mom, it's ok, I be a fireman, I jus' need some water," and proceeded to grab a throw blanket and use it as a hose! If someone gets hurt, mainly Jolee or myself, he tells us "It's ok Mom/Jolee, you be ok, I a doctor, I fix it and make it all better."....So many aspirations for a 4 year old, haha!

J and J have their first photo shoot tomorrow in Montpelier. I good friend, who makes Jolee's tutus is a photographer and taking some fall shots for us! I cannot wait to see how they turn out and will be armed with plenty of bribes (pez candy, lollipops etc...)

James and I are learning some things about homeschooling, which is fun....I am learning that quite a few tactics I thought would work, totally DO NOT. haha...It really is a job that I am taking on, but I know totally worth it. One curriculum I bought isn't necessarily the best fit or James, but I can tell will work wonders with is story/reading based and while he loves reading, he needs more hands on I tweaked it some and am saving some of the reading for Kindergarten. Social skills and emotional skills are what we are working most on....He is way ahead in counting, shapes, colors and I don't want to jinx myself but phonics. He is reading lots of 3 letter words by sounding them out and even has quite a few sight words memorized. He now asks me what each word in a book I am now going to sit back and let the reading happen naturally for a bit and work more on life skills. We need inside voice help (haha, so do I!), listening skills, obeying other adults, sitting quietly for longer than 5 seconds, and the like! haha....I can't really doing any of those so he is pretty much screwed ;) My kids are loud because I am loud. I can't very well say "Please use your inside voice" and then scream at the dog to stop barking...So they are pretty much going to be socially awkward not because they are homeschooled, but because I am socially awkward and their mother. And since I am laying it out there, they are going to be annoyingly quirky. I had to have clothes fit a certain way, bows in my hair a certain way, and I still to this day have a million quirks like that. We're loud and quirky. I think I should change my blog name to that....

Did I mention it's cold here? It I need a pumpkin spice coffee, but no matter what I do, I can't make mine taste like the Dunkin Donuts one. And we don't have pumpkin spice creamer in my grocery store....What does a girl do?