Rocking in my chair....

I just spent the last hour looking at pictures of my babies. Not pictures from this month, or even this year...but Jolee's birth, James' third birthday, my pregnancies...and I remember it all. I remember my feelings while pregnant with James...I was clueless. I was elated....I really had no idea how amazing motherhood could be....and then seeing pictures from Jolee's birth...I remember EVERY single night of my pregnancy praying I'd meet my baby one day. I remember rocking in the rocking chair I used with James, begging God for this baby....and running outside late one night in Georgia, begging for her life....I remember holding James in that very same rocker after we said goodbye to Jack, and sitting in that chair alone having no words for Jesus after I said goodbye to Baby Hope....ah, that sweet sweet rocking chair. It's as if it has become a part of me....Over the past 5 years I have spent many sweet moments in that chair....it's been spit up on, probably pooped on ;), reupholstered (thankfully), and loved...I sang "Old McDonald" to James in it when I rocked him to sleep for 2 years. I read pregnancy magazines and "What to Expect" books there. I read "Pregnancy after loss" there. I read countless psalms there as well....I have no idea why I even thought of my chair tonight....but for now, this pretty red rocking chair with the Ladybug blanket on it is used for me and my girl. My little blonde ladybug...My little tiny miracle girl....Every night, and every nap, of every day, we sing Amazing Grace...it's the only song she'll fall asleep to...She puts her hand in the air while I sing...just like she does in church on Sunday mornings...and now in my chair....the words come easy...

Thank you Jesus ;)

Letting some things go....

Summer camp only worked for 1 day. I cried the second and third day as I had to chase James down as he ran to my car. I did the best I could but he stayed with me those days....I am learning to embrace James' quirks and understand that I too was a quirky kiddo. There may/may not be something else to it but we are embracing our children and doing with them, what makes THEM happy. We may be dealing with a little something else by way of social/emotional things but James is James and I love that about him. :)

This summer I am going to take a little time away from hectic things...less time running to "events" or organized things and spending a bit more time watching my half dressed kids drip popsicles on themselves on my porches. Because really, when you look back on your childhood, do you remember the number of times Mommy took you to this or that, or do you remember Mommy on the porch with you? Do you remember that you sat quietly in a circle listening to stories at the library or do you remember Mommy making shadow animals on the wall and telling you about "Going on a bear hunt"...Every night James says "Mommy, we going on a bear hunt?" as I read to him in bed...He never says, "Mommy are we going to storytime tomorrow?"....Ah, my sweet boy :)

Bullet points are annoying...

- It's hot. Vermonters need AC. It feels like we are sandwiched in between a few mountains and the heat just suffocates us. It is like 75-80 degrees that I am talking about.
- I need to get a grip and embrace the fact that it is warm for 2 months out of 12.
- I'm still sweating in my non-ait conditioned house.
- We joined a new church that is amazing! James loves the kids program/nursery and we love the people we are meeting.
- Jolee hates the kids program...ok, well she hates being away from Mama.
- Mama is going to work the nursery in 2 weeks to help her get adjusted! ;)
- Our pastor and youth pastor baptized 7 people today....3 adults and 4 teens.
- Baptism's are beautiful and bring tears to my eyes.
- I was baptized in a lake when I was 14 and remember it, and the way I felt like it were yesterday.
- I am so happy we have found a church home.
- We are finally making friends and our days are really busy! James is having a ball!
- He heads to half day summer camp tomorrow and I am about to puke.
- I worry about him getting lost, drowning, child molesters, giant bugs biting him, someone making fun of him, and even crazier stuff.
- I am so glad we are homeschoolers and I don't have to almost puke every school year.
- Our homeschool things arrived and I was going to start this summer but our summer filled up so fall it is!
- Jolee is running. Not walking...It's beyond crazy how fast she is. She is actually a better, faster, walker than James was even though he was earlier. She walks in shoes like she has been doing it for years, instead of just a month!
- She says "Mama" "Dada" "Baba" and "DAH" for James....She actually stands at the gate and yells "DAH!" until he comes and talks to her!
- Pork's shock collar is the best 200 bucks we've ever spent. He goes from barking loud to instant peaceful silence each morning and remains quiet for the entire day.
- Our garden is absolutely hilarious! It is growing like mad and we can't eat enough salad to save our lettuce. We are resorting to giving it away! I can't wait to plant more next year!
- Vermont birds are fat. We fill our feeder in the evening and it is gone by morning...I don't even get to see the darn things eat!
- Stevie the Beavie, actually a woodchuck, has 2 fat friends/family members.
- Woodchucks do not eat goldfish crackers, nor do they move when you throw the fish at them.
- Peta would not appreciate the above statement.
- We have a busy summer planned with trips to MD and WA and possibly Canada.
- We bought a new Yukon and it could fit 4 more people than we have in this house in it.
- We better start working to fill it.
- Gas will most assuredly hit 4 bucks a gallon now that we bought that thing!
- I rarely blog anymore because my kids tire me out! I don't even have time to shower some days and I'd much rather read more interesting blogs than writing in my own....I'm quite boring huh?

;)

Finally!

I really am a bad blogger. It is only going to get worse as the kids get older, J heads back to sea tour, etc etc.... I really try to keep a log somewhere of the kids/our happenings but I get so tied up! Lately it has been keeping the floors somewhat clean, getting our homeschooling curriculums together, and gardening to name a few! I cannot believe how busy I am with 2 kids! And I want more? Ah, crazy!

We are enjoying shore tour so much! I really love Vermont and am finding out that I get along best in life in quiet places like this. I don't want to move back to a big city ever. I like breathing fresh mountain air, drinking freezing cold spring water, watching our trout jump in the pond, feeding treats to neighbor dogs, saying hello to the mailman as he drives packages down my long drive to my door, meeting new friends at an amazing church, watching James run into the nursery and hate to leave, watching lettuce, tomatoes, herbs, cukes, and broccoli grow like crazy in my own garden, and just plain enjoying the peace that comes with country-esque living. I could live here, forever. Jarrod works a mile away and is home every day for lunch....I have no idea how I will ever be able to leave this place....

That said, our marriage, our family life, our parenting has never been more fulfilling then now....

I am anxious to start our homeschool journey with James when our things arrive. We have enough to get us through until about age 7 so hopefully we love it all! We won't necessarily stick to a class type routine and we also won't completely "unschool", but a mixture of a few techniques. There are so many families here in Vermont that homeschool which is even more exciting. Although I won't normally "school" in the summer, we are getting started a bit this summer for language purposes...When we do officially start (at age 6 when it is required) we will "do school" about 4 days a week (a few hours a day at most) and leave at least one day for helping Mom with errands! Very happy we have chosen this!

Our summer is going to be quite exciting with a trip to see Thomas the train in New Hampshire followed by a long vacation in Maryland. With only a week at home, we will then head to Washington state for another long vacation. Hopefully squeezing in a trip to Quebec, our kids are really in for a busy time. In just a few weeks James will also hit a summer day camp! I hope he loves it! It is only for about 3.5 hours a day and I think he will do great!

Jolee is 10 months old and walking, another early one! I really thought/hoped she'd be later but here we are again at 10 months chasing little feet! She is so proud of herself and desperately tries to keep up with James and the dogs! She is THE loudest human being I have ever heard...and I am so glad. She needs a big voice for that tiny body! She grew in my belly as fiesty as ever, came out screaming and has never quieted since. She is the sweetest little girl I have ever met! I love watching her beautiful smile as she lights up at James, and then even her clenched fists when she hears, "no no"....She is going to give us a run for our money!

Busy busy bees we are...and loving life here! We see new creatures daily here and love adapting our lives to Vermont. I am pretty proud that we can move anywhere and figure out how to make it work....although this place sure does make it easy!

The one with the pretty faces...

I should take medication...

seriously. I have a problem. A HUGE problem. Worry. I am constantly worried about EVERYTHING in/outside of our home. See, I am going to explain just this once how difficult it is moving so often. For those who don't know, J and I have been married for 5 years at the end of this month. We have lived in Maryland, South Carolina, Georgia, Virginia, and now Vermont. I love moving and seeing new places. I love changing houses because whatever annoys me about one house, most likely won't be in the next home. In SC it was waterbugs, haha cockroaches in base housing. In Georgia it was the biting EVERYTHING, frogs, and constant humidity and heat. In Virginia it was the cockroaches again. I love how every state calls these darn bugs something other than what they truly are...COCKROACHES. haha....Here in VT nothing really annoys me too bad although we have a ladybug infestation.

Ladybugs, you all know I love them because I call Jolee Ladybug. How could I not like them?

BUT....in all of my moves into new homes in new places I constantly have to make someone else's home fit my family. I always need new curtains, new rods, new...well you get the idea. I also have to child-proof all homes I move into. Not only is it costly but goodness I've had to do it a lot. So we found this amazing home in Vermont. I love it. BUT, yes, another BUT...it is totally not easy to childproof this place.

I worry daily that the kids are going to hang themselves on blind cords, fall out the the high windows to their deaths, hit their heads on the big boulders outside....so I have Jarrod move huge rocks, I cut all the blind cords but for the life of me I can't get the windows right....We basically live in a home built on the side of a giant hill in the mountains. If someone were to fall out a window, we are looking at over 3 stories. And in VT noone has Air Condition because well 75% of the year it is cold.

But, it is hot today, and was yesterday....I am sweating. I HAVE to open windows. They all open from the top or bottom so I thought I hit the jackpot...just open them from the top and the kids can't reach them. Yeah right....on say 3 of 12 or more windows, this works...But on the rest, you can open from the top and still slide the whole darn thing up....I HAVE to open my windows or we will die, maybe not die but you know what I mean.

I wouldn't worry so much if my kids weren't such Evel Kinevel's. James wraps cords around his neck, often asks me if he can "jump off dis mountain (the bunkbed), couch dives daily, and has been standing in my window sills (remember 3 stories)...Jolee can crawl stairs, not kidding. She is faster than any baby I've ever seen. My kids are like circus freaks. When I go places and someone says "Oh don't worry, they can't break anything", I always respond, "you've never met my kids, they could burn a padded room to the ground."

So it's hot, and I am worried that my kids are going to plummet to their deaths if I don't figure out a workable solution for these windows. And can I just tell you that there are 16 that I want to open. I did just count them. So whatever I do, I have to do 16 times, each morning when I want them open, and each night when I want some closed.

And don't even get me started on baby gates. Jolee pulled one on herself last week. I invested 100 bucks in 1 gate for the deadly basement stairs, and now need something for the upstairs.

I also need a good shrink to help me stop picturing my bloodied, injured children everywhere. Someone help me....;)

The one with my first 911 call....

Everyone is and was ok...Thankfully. I want to blog about this morning's experience because I am semi-proud of the way I handled a could-have-been deadly emergency....I was feeding Buggy in her high chair this morning while James played in the kitchen. The phone rang and it was my sister. After about 5 minutes of talking to her, a red pickup pulled into my driveway. A young man got out and approached my landlord's woodshed. I am always nervous when someone unknown comes to the house because I am a Mom first, and worry about someone harming me or the kids. (I also grew up in Baltimore City where gunshots were heard often and men kept their families hostage, etc....it happened often there and was scary)...So every single time, no matter where I live, someone unknown approaches my home, I immediately label them a rapist/murderer. I'm not kidding...it's just my paranoia. So I told my sister that a strange man pulled up and if he didn't leave soon or acted odd, that I would hang up with her and call 911. A few moments later the man must have seen me at the sliding door and started walking to the door. I got nervous and was telling my sister (who was in MD) on the phone, what was transpiring. He came to the door and did not say a word. I looked at all 3 doors and made sure they were locked. I moved the phone away from my face and said "Can I help you sir?" He stared at me. Never said a word. I said "Sir (louder) Can I help you?" He looked down at James at my feet and then me. Never spoke. As a matter of fact, I gave a detailed description of the man, but made note that his mouth never opened the entire time I saw him. (In my mind, this made him a killer)...

I know I can be irrational but I had to think of my kids. Why was someone standing at my door, not knocking, looking at me, and not speaking?

I grabbed James and Buggy was on my hip, so we darted downstairs. The dogs were in crates but I immediately let them out and told Pork, "Go get him!" I hung up and called 911. I gave them my info and was truly panicked. I thought he was there to do me harm, and kill us. He was giving me no other indication that he was there for a good reason. I glanced back up the stairs and saw him still looking at Pork. In my mind, I thought he was contemplating breaking in. What would he do with the dogs, the kids, me? I have never been so scared in my life. I begged the cops to let me off the phone to call J because he can get here in 90 seconds. I had to stay on the line. I asked if I should run out the back, if he were to enter....they said, hold on ma'am, the officers are almost there...What felt like 20 minutes, but I am sure was 4, Jarrod arrived (my mother and sister had called him) and the cops pulled in right behind him. I was ok. The man had left and we would soon find out that our landlord had sent him to the site to get a hose out of the woodshed. He was hard of hearing and couldn't hear me yelling through the door.

I know it sounds fishy, and to me, it is. In Maryland if you come to someone's door, you need to knock, or talk, and let your business be known. The consensus is that he saw me on the phone and thought I was going to hang up to open the door, so he could tell me why he was there. I don't open my doors. He was trying to be polite and waited for me. I thought it was creepy and still do. He was there innocently, and we are safe so that is the end for me....I did think of multiple scenarios, where to keep the kids safe, if I could safely get to our guns without being seen, and the like. I was a sobbing mess and almost threw up when I saw Jarrod and the police. This town is small, and very safe...but in my mind, that is where things like this happen. I won't ever be too careful when it comes to mine and my children's safety. Now our landlord is going to give us notice if anyone is to stop by on the property and I am to continue calling 911 if I am not notified.

I can tell you I am actually in pain right now because of adrenaline. I picture him breaking a door and killing us....Luckily I acted safely as best I could, and I didn't run upstairs like the idiots in horror movies....which I really have no business watching.

Since J brought 2 marines home with him, and this all ended up being a very innocent misunderstanding, I will probably now be known, in this tiny town, as the crazy lady who thinks everyone in town is a murderer...Maybe one day my paranoia might save one of our lives....